Burnout

Ok, it's confession time. I'm tired of traveling. If given the choice, I would probably go home tomorrow.

A shock? I usually only blog about the good stuff, but in reality, I've been suffering from burnout for the last few weeks. It comes and goes, but as of now it seems like it's not just a phase and I really do want to come home.

What does travel burnout feel like? I'd describe it as a feeling of just not caring much anymore. You find yourself in all these cool foreign places that should be so full of fascination, but it's not exciting anymore; it becomes dull and commonplace. Suddenly, siteseeing becomes a huge burden and you just can't be bothered to do it anymore. Another Temple? Ugh, no thanks. Another museum? Do I really have to? After so much, it really starts to lose it's meaning. Even chatting with locals, one of the best parts of travel, is annoying to me right now. I don't really care to meet other travelers. The constant decisions, like what to do each day, where to go next, and where to eat lunch, become really difficult to make because I generally don't care. I would love to have a decision maker right now to just tell me what to do. I crave the comforts of familiarity of home and people I know well, and I spend a lot of time thinking about my plans for when I get home.

So that's burnout in a nutshell.

Has anyone noticed the drastic increase in my blogging recently? Yup, that's burnout. I'd rather be on the Internet than out and about.

How does burnout happen to one who loves to travel so much? Consider this:

--Since the beginning of my trip I've slept in 46 different beds, 4 overnight trains, and 7 overnight buses.

--I've been to 36 different cities in 7 different countries in only 3.5 months.

--I've spent countless hours "in-transit," usually on uncomfortable buses.

--I haven't been with any of the same people for more than a week. Most people I meet I am only with for a day or so before we go our separate ways. I can't tell you how many times I've had the same conversation since I started. I've started considering the idea of making up different lives to keep myself entertained.

--All of the eating I do is in restaurants, never at home. No cooking for myself either, the guesthouses in SE Asia don't have open kitchens.

--Most of the places I stay in are budget places - meaning bare bones basic. I don't mean Motel 6 basic, I mean a bed in a room, usually with an icky toilet and shower down the hall. No luxury for this shoestringer. By the standards I am on now, a good guesthouse has sheets that smell like they were washed before I got there, a relatively clean bathroom and ample hooks to hang drying clothes on. It's fun for awhile to "rough it," but it really has started to wear on me.

--Everything is new every few days. Have you ever traveled on your own to a new city? There is that process of familiarization, when you have to figure everything out. Where to stay, where to eat, what to do, how to get around, all that stuff. Ok, now imagine doing that over and over again, every few days, always in a foreign country. It is really taxing, which is why so many people opt to take package tours with a guide who tells them everything.

--I'm carrying my entire life on my back.

Can you see how that would get old after a few months?!?!?

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy travel. But I think this trip has taught me a lot about the way I need to do it. When I was younger, I loved doing the backpacker thing, but it seems that now I can't really keep up this sort of lifestyle for longer than a couple months. I also think I need to limit my trips to 2-3 months, or even better, settle into places for longer instead of constantly moving around. I think that's actually the key.

Last night I was talking with two Germans who have been living in Thailand for 15 years. They were telling me how they just don't understand the backpacker way of travel -- we move around so much in the quest to add places to our bragging-belt, but we never stay long enough to actually "know" a place. And I think they have a good point. It is great to see so much of the world, but I think there is much more value in really knowing a place in depth. Ideally, I think there should be a balance between the two.

My very first travel experience was one of those whirlwind two week Europe tours, and I remember the teacher telling us that slow-savor travel was much better. You have to do a bit of "tasting" first to know what you like, but it's the places you linger in that really stay with you.

So my next trip will be much more limited in scope than this one was. Fewer countries, more time in each place. Perhaps some volunteering along the way.

That being said, I'm going to do nothing but lay on the beach tomorrow.