Happy 6th Months to me!

Today, March 1st, is a signigicant day in three ways. First of all, it is the Samil Undong holiday in Korea. (see previous post) Second, it is the last day before Korean students start their new school year. And third, March 1st marks the halfway point of my time in Korea. Can you believe I'm halfway done? Happy 6th months!

I thought this would be a good time to do a quick check-in, a mid-contract review, shall we say. I've been doing a lot of laughing to myself lately while thinking back on what it was like when I first got here - nervous, intimidated, excited, and anxious to see what my life was going to be like for the next year. A lot has changed since I first arrived!

What I recall the most is that I was so ambitious about using every last minute to see as much of the city as I possibly could, even using my mornings to explore before going to work. That lasted all of about 2 weeks. Now I am perfectly content to sleep in and hang around the apartment until I have to leave for work at 1:30. And do I feel guilty about it? Nope. I acutally laugh at myself for being so ambitious in the beginning. And I have managed to see quite a bit, even though I still have a lot way to go.

I also laugh at how challenging the most basic things were for me. I remember back when going to the bank was a huge accomplishment. Using the subway, catching a taxi, remember how to get from my apartment to my school...all of that was really intimidating! Or going grocery shopping, who would think that could be challenging? During the first two weeks, I had trouble feeding myself half the time, because I knew nothing about the food and I didn't know any Korean. Getting a meal when I was on my own was actually really difficult! And now, I feel like such a stud because I can do all of these things with no problem.

There is just something so cool about figuring out how to operate in a completely foreign place. It's damn intimidating at first, but once you get it right, well, it's an amazing feeling. A huge confidence boost, not like anything else I have done.

I guess I should ask the most obvious questions -- am I glad that I came? Yes. Will I be staying in Korea another year after my contract is up? No. I may come back later on down the road, but for now, I don't plan on staying any longer than originally intended.

Let's just say that I like Korea, but I don't love it. There are many things about it that I really dig, and other things that drive me nuts, and I don't think I could weigh them out against each other too easily if asked to. What it comes down to is that I just am not inspired by this place. I tend to divide countries into two categories: places I could spend years in, and places I just like to visit. Korea falls into the latter category. I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life in Italy or Costa Rica...no problem! But Korea? No way.

That being said, have I enjoyed my time here? YES. Well, ok, mostly. The answer to that depends on when you ask me. I will admit that I haven't been feeling my best the past few months, both physically and spiritually. Maybe it's being away from home, the fact that I don't love Korea, being stuck in a huge city away from nature, or the long cold winter winter with very little sunshine. I actually have strong suspicions that the last reason is a huge part of it, because I am a sun lover to the core. So I'm assuming its all just temporary... I will wait for the winter to pass and see how my mood changes.

Let me look at the ways in which my life has changed since a year ago. One year ago, I was living in Santa Cruz, about 6 blocks from the beach. I had a room with a big window looking out of the beautiful backyard and garden. I shared this space with 4 very cool people and two cats. We hung out, we cooked, we gardened, we laughed, we drank, we had a damn good time. My family and other friends were all close by and I saw them regularly. I had a teaching job that was very stressful, so I worked a lot, but I still found time to enjoy myself. Furthermore, the job was satisfying and inspiring enough of the time to make it worth it.

Here in Seoul, I am living in a dinky dingy studio in the middle of the big city. I don't speak the language, my family and close friends are half a world away. I've met some good people, but I am the type who takes years to develop true friendships. My job is super low stress 95% of the time, and I can sleep in late on most days, although this may not be a good thing for me. I LOVE my students, but since I cannot really teach my own curriculum, I am not terribly inspired.

On the surface, my life here doesn't measure up to my life back home. But what I have listed so far is only part of it. I can't forget the fact that I am in a fascinating new place with a million things to learn and explore. My goal in coming here was to experience living in a completely foreign culture, and I am doing it successfully. That is something that I am proud of, and the thing that makes my time here worthwhile in spite of everything else.

By far the most amazing thing is how much I've learned in the past six months. It's overwhelming, really. First off, I have learned an incredible amount about the culture and history of Korea. I have learned a tremendous amount about the character of the Korean people, although I am still far from actually figuring them out! (I actually doubt whether it is ever possible to "figure" any people out completely, but my anthropologist training makes me want to try.) I have learned about Korean cooking, movies, economy, politics and current society. I have learned about neighboring countries that influenced Korea's history, and I have learned about the countries of origin of my fellow foreign coworkers.

What surprises me most though is how much I have learned about myself. There is just something about being away from your familiar world that brings on a profound sense of self examination, something I have never experienced quite this much before. For most of my life, I have never strayed too far from my comfort zone. Here, I am very far outside of the box of life that I am used to. Learning how to operate in a completely different context has really opened my eyes to who I am as a individual. Futhermore, being surrounded by all new people has forced me to examine in-depth my outer personality and how I relate to others.

I have learned some valuable lessons about myself in the process, things that will stay with me for the rest of my life. The most valuable lesson I have learned is how important it is to find a balance between loving myself and striving to improve as a person. When that balance gets "off" I become far more self critical that is healthy, and I don't like that.

Secondly, I have learned I(or been reminded) that I must first and foremost be true to myself, even if it means I am unable to be everyone's friend. Even if it means that some people will not like me, something that has always been a big fear of mine. A large part of coming to fully understand myself is learning to be confident in presenting myself to the world and saying, "This is who I am. Take me or leave me." And since I have been here, I have made a lot of progress towards being able to do that.

I'll wrap up by saying that as much as I miss my life and people back home, I do not regret coming here for a second. Its been a fascinating 6th months, and in the end I think I am a better person for it. And just think, I still have 6th more months to go.....