A Nice Night

I've just had one of those evenings that I only fully appreciate after living through the Seoul winter. An evening spent over a leisurely dinner with good company, eating delicious food and venting about the woes and laughs of the week. Sharing dreams of beautiful places and the lifestyle we wish we were living. The simple combination of meat, lettuce and sauce that feels like a reward after a week of working with kids. Then, when it became clear that the restaurant was closing and it was our presence that kept the employees from going home, we finally left. It was also clear that none of use were ready to go home to our closet sized apartments yet, so we relocated to the neighboring park and continued our discussion on a bench until it was finally time to head home.

And sitting on that park bench chatting and laughing was surprisingly nurturing for someone who has taken such things for granted her whole life. The temperature was warm enough to leave the jacket unbuttoned, which is saying a lot. To be outside and not be shivering or walking quickly to the next destination was, well, a great feeling. I am spoiled by California, but it doesn't take long to forget.

We talked about Korea a lot -- foreigners airing their griefs about living in a foreign land -- but we weren't complaining or whining. It was more like we were sharing observations, and laughing at the things we found mutually humorous or irksome. One person was an old hat at Korea, having lived here for 4 years, another was just completing her first month. I was in the middle, not the expert quite yet, but having been here long enough to know some things. We were honest, but not ethnocentric in our criticisms. Because the fact is, as open-minded as one may be, there are just some things that will never make sense to an outsider. My favorite example -- it is virtually impossible to buy a single banana here. You must buy the entire bunch, and I have never been able to purchase less than 6 at once. Sounds insignificant, but small things like this can be maddening when all added up, and but talking does help. To simply bounce our observations and ideas off each other was strangely validating.

Why did it feel so good to do something so simple? To sit, and talk, and enjoy the night air. Has it really been so long since I have done that? But now that I think of it, that is something I have always appreciated, even when I have lived in a place where I can do it on a nightly basis. Good company, good food, fresh air and a little wine are surprisingly nurturing to the soul, and I don't think I have ever failed to take notice of how much I enjoy it. The past three years I had the good fortune to live in a place with warm weather, a backyard and a porch, not the mention 2 other people who were always up to sit outside and just relax. And we had some nice times out of that porch. Sitting in the park tonight reminded me of those nights.

We talked of Italy at one point, a place that has touched all of us deeply with its magic. Between people who love Italy, no words are really needed, yet we all feel the need to try to put our love into words. And as we talked of evenings in sidewalk cafes, passionate people and 3 hour lunches, that old plaguing question came into my mind again -- why am I not there?

But I guess we all have our dream places, the places that we could spend our lives in and wake up everyday feeling joyful just to be alive. Unfortunately, these places are not always the ones we end up in. There may be better opportunities elsewhere, or the draw of home may just be too strong, but somehow, I think that very few people end up in their "perfect place." And perhaps the simple reason that we don't end up there is proof that this place is not really perfect for us. In dreams and daytime fantasies it may be, but real life tells us otherwise. It is not home, it is not where our families are, it is not where the jobs are. Or we simply don't have the guts to uproot our lives and go there.

Take me for example -- why am I not living in Italy? Or Costa Rica, or somewhere that I love more than Seoul. Well, mainly it's because I wanted to try living here. And there were opportunities here. At the times when I am the most dissatisfied with this city, I start to be plagued by the feeling that I am wasting time in a place that does not make me particularly happy. But is it really wasted time? No. It is still an experience I am glad to have under my belt, simply because it is different. How do I know if I never try it? And while it may not be a place that makes me happy just by its very nature, I have grown in so many positive ways from my time here. I guess that for the time being, I will just have to look harder to find the things in Seoul that make me love being alive.

I am hoping that as the spring and summer set in, there will be more nights like tonight. But I should know better -- I have heard enough of the horrible humidity in Seoul summers to get my hopes up. Heat can be just as miserable as cold, and when given the option for sitting in sweltering air or an air conditioned apartment, I think many would opt for the apartment. But I will hold onto my California girl ideal, and look forward to the time where I don't feel I have to run to my apartment to escape the weather. If anything, I am told that Spring time is lovely. And I am told that the picnic tables outside Family Mart (a chain convenience store) are a great place to pass a warm evening chatting with friends. It may not be a piazza cafe or a beachside bar, but I guess for now it will have to do.