Saying Goodbye.....

....is never easy :-(

I never expected this, but saying goodbye to people here is far harder than saying goodbye to everyone at home when I left. Because with friends and family back home, there is a sort-of built-in guarantee that you will see them again. But when you make friends while living abroad, that guarantee is not there. We are all from different places, many of us are only in Korea for a limited time. Our lives brought us together for awhile, but once we are gone from this place who knows when or if we will ever see each other again. And that makes the goodbye a hell of a lot harder.

It's almost 2 a.m. and my flight leaves tomorrow at 2 p.m. I'm packed, cleaned and ready to go. All I have to do before going to bed is wait for my nails to dry. I don't want to go to bed though, because it means that I will wake up and have to leave. And I don't really want to leave yet.

All I can think to say right now is how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life, even though it makes it that much harder to leave....

Eeeek!

I JUST BOUGHT A PLANE TICKET FOR A 4 MONTH BACKPACK TRIP THROUGHOUT ASIA!!!!!

That was a scary and thrilling purchase to make. Whew. But it's done.

Tomorrow is my last day at work.

I packed my first full suitcase last night. It's heavy, and my apartment still is full of crap.

Aaaand....I just finished typing the last of my report cards.

Life is good.

One week and counting....

Eeeeekk!!

I've been thinking so much about leaving, that I almost don't know how to say how I feel. Well, wait, I do. I am excited to go home again, but apprehensive about a lot. I am sad to leave Korea, but glad to get away from the parts of it that bother me. Simple as that.

Not so simple though. Ever since the end has come into sight, my life has been a blender of emotions. And right now I feel like the fact that it's time to go is JUST now finally sinking in, yet at the same time, I am totally ready to go. Don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.

I look around my apartment now, and realize I am going to miss it. I hated it in the beginning, but I've managed to turn it into a space that I love. It's my sanctuary in a noisy, smelly, strange place. And I always miss my personal spaces.

As for work, I am DONE there. Not literally, only in my own mind. DONE. I am really ready to be done with that job, and the last few weeks have been like marking time. But I still have 3 more days to go. And starting tomorrow, I will be saying goodbye to my students, some that will be sad goodbyes.

And then there are my friends, my coworkers. I know I will miss them, that goes without saying. It's funny; when I was making the decision to come here, I thought all about how hard it would be to say goodbye to people I love at home, but it never crossed my mind that during my year hear I would meet a whole new group of people that I would have to say goodbye to. I've met some damn amazing friends here, people that I have been emotionally preparing myself for months to say goodbye to. And unlike family and friends at home, there is no built-in guarantee that I will see these people again. There are some that I will make every effort to see, but when, and where, who knows. I don't know which ones I will be able to connect with later, and which ones I will never see again. To make it easier on myself, when I say goodbye, I will try to imagine that I will see everyone again, someday. Otherwise, it's just too hard.

The other thing I didn't really think about was how it will feel to go home again. I have been told by virtually everyone that the reverse culture shock is far worse. I haven't ever really experienced culture shock, in the true sense of the word, which is why traveling is so easy for me. But going HOME again, after a year....that's a different story.

I am trying not to let what others have told me shape my expectations too much, but it's hard. Let's see, if I believe everything I have heard from people who have gone back after a year: I'm expecting to be jolted and annoyed by the fact that I can suddenly understand EVERYTHING that is being said around me. I'm expecting to notice how big all the people are (which will be a relief for the self-esteem, truthfully.) I'm expecting to have a hard time relating to many people that I used to be close to. I'm expecting for people to be fascinated at first, but to lose interest quickly. I'm expecting for everyone to get tired of hearing about "In Korea...." I'm expecting to feel a sense of distance, because my life has diverged so drastically for such a long time. I'm expecting to be very critical of America, constantly comparing it to Korea. I'm expecting to suddenly start craving some of the dishes I swore I was tired of. I'm expecting to find home to be a pretty boring place after a few weeks.

All this on the word of others. I gonna try not to let expectations shape my actual experience. In fact, it's all going to be made much easier by that I won't be home for too long. About 3 weeks, then I go to Hawaii with Andrea for a week, then home for a few days, then off again on the 4 month backpacking trip in Asia. It's going to be a whirlwind, for sure.

Right now, I think the waiting is the hardest part.

Nara

Nara, a medium sized city not far from Osaka, is one that I hadn't ever heard of until right before I came to Japan, but turned out to be one of my favorites. It was calmer, prettier, and plenty historical. And there were lots and lots of tame deer, and that's just cool. The park that includes all of the sights in Nara is home to about 1,200 deer, which get free range of the place. There were deer everywhere.

Deer in the park.

Deer outside the shops.Deer in the construction sites.

Deer hanging around outside the temples.

Deer chillin' next to the lady that sold "deer biscuits," waiting for a customer.

Where I come from, seeing deer is common, but its usually for a few seconds before they bolt. So they have this sense of mystique about them. The deer in Nara are very friendly and plentiful. And I have to say, they really lose their mystique very quickly when they don't run away. Sweet and gentle animals, but pretty devoid of personality, at least from what I saw. You can pet them; no reaction. No indication that they enjoyed being scratched. No reaction when you talked to them. Which I suppose is connected to the fact that they usually bolt; these are animals that simply don't need human attention to be happy. Imagine the most dull dog you have ever known -- one that is cute looking, completely harmless, but totally indifferent to any attention or affection. That's what deer are like. What they do love, of course, is food. They pretty much want nothing to do with humans unless those humans have food.

This deer was a little over-eager to get at a deer biscuit.

This deer is irritated because I would not let him eat my plastic bag with salad dressing spilled inside.

And of course, the hokey cartoon warning signs about what NOT to do with the deer.

"Do not feed the deer trash or make them smoke cigarettes."

"Do not let bratty kids chase the deer."

"Do not try to shake hands with the baby deer."

"Or their parents may shoot lightening bolts out of their heads."

So other than, the deer, Nara had some incredible things to see.

Kasuga-Taisha Shrine, which had hundreds of stone lanterns, all covered in moss.

All temples in Japan have a fountain where religious devotees and hot tourists splash can cool down a bit. Daibutsuden Hall, the most famous site in Nara.

Inside Daibutsuden Hall is the world's largest bronze Buddha. The photo does not do it justice, but this thing is HUGE.

On one of the posts inside the hall, there is a hole that is said to be the same diameter as the Buddha's nostril. If you can fit through it, your wish for love will be fullfilled. I didn't try it, but found enough amusement watching others try.

One of my favorite parts about Japan was the gardens, and Nara had some lovely ones. I have always admired Japanese gardens, so being able to see so many of the "real thing" was a treat for me.

Koi, much like some people, are beautiful until they open their mouths.

In addition to Koi, Japanese ponds have a lot of turtles. And the public ponds attract a fair amount of pigeons. The particularily bold pigeon decided he could get a better vantage point by sitting ON a turtle, which I thought was funny.

Lotus flower

And, perhaps my favorite photo of the whole trip.

The Saga of the Fish

A few months back, to mark the beginning of Spring, I bought myself 3 fish. A poor substitute for dogs and cats, which I have always lived with, but they brought just the tiniest bit of much needed life into my apartment. They were very small fish, silver with blue stripes, and I found them at a tiny store deep in the bowels of the Express Bus Terminal Underground Shopping Center (one of those classic shopping places in Seoul that is a pain to navigate -- crowded, hot, overwhelming, but absolutely wonderful because you can find just about everything there.)

One of the fish died within a few days; I think because the bowl I bought was far too small for the three of them. I tried to relocate him when I noticed him suffering, but he didn't make it. So I was left with two. They did pretty well for awhile, seeming content in their little bowl. I had also bought some lovely water plants, which slowly died until it was just fish and marbles in the bowl.

But one thing I noticed was that they were extremely active. For fish at least. Darting around in the bowl, splashing at the surface, they never seemed quite relaxed. Like they were hyperactive or something. I had a student at the time who was quite knowledgeable about fish, so I told him about it. His advice: check to see if one is chasing the other; if so, it may be because they are trying to eat each other. If that was the case, I should feed them twice a day.

So I checked, and sure enough, the slightly bigger fish was chasing the slightly smaller fish. I increased their food dosage, and they seemed to mellow out, mostly.

But one day, I had some friends over, and one friend was looking at the bowl.

"Nicole, I thought you had two fish."

"I do."

"No, you only have one."

"No, look close, there are two in there."

"Um, no, I'm pretty sure there is only one."

I didn't believe it, so I looked for myself. And sure enough, there was only one fish. At which point I freaked out. Where the hell did my other fish go?!?!?!? They don't just disappear. They had both been there that morning, and now one was GONE.

After a bit of hoopla and laughter, we narrowed it down to two possibilities. One: the fish jumped out, flopped into some corner, and died. I searched all around, found nothing. Two: one fish ate the other. Looking at him, it seemed impossible to believe that he could simply devour a fish that was almost his same size, leave no visible remnants, and still be alive himself. Fish die from overeating all the time, right? But he was fine. I tried to look close to see if I could detect any bloating or perhaps a guilty look on his face, but saw nothing.

After asking around, I have heard enough people say it was possible for a fish to completely eat another fish of the same size. Why he would do it, I don't know. He was well fed. Maybe he just got bored. I scolded him and called him a nasty cannibal, but I still am not sure if he really did it. I guess I will never know.

So he has been by himself ever since, and frankly, he seems lonely. He got to take a week vacation to my coworkers apartment while I was in Japan, during which he lived in a tupperware with a few rocks. Then, in the process of the move, I managed to break his bowl, and for awhile he had to live in a tupperware. I like to think of it as temporary "government housing," the kind that people are forced to live in after natural disasters until their homes are rebuilt.

The tupperware ghetto

It wasn't until last night that I could get my butt back out to Express Bus Terminal to get him another bowl. I decided that I wanted to pass him along to his next owner in style, so I upgraded to a larger bowl and got a really nice water plant to go in it. I was going to get him a buddy/future snack, but the fish stall was closed.

The snazzy new condo, complete with garden.

And the final problem was solved last night when Jeremy agreed to adopt him when I leave. I think the just wants the condo. Hopefully Jeremy will give him a name, which I never did. I just called him whatever popped into my head at the moment -- Bubba, Boo Boo, Pinky, Bobafet, Doo Doo, Booba, whatever. I suspect Jeremy will just end up calling him Hannibal.

Wa Bar

This is one of the creepiest photos I've ever taken. It's my friend Song. Many bars in Korea serve these multi-colored puff balls that vaguely taste like Froot Loops. That's what he's got behind his glasses. Makes for a very odd effect. I just love it.

Kyoto

Kyoto will forever remain in my mind as the "Rome of Asia." Don't dig too far into the comparison, I'm sure it's faulty as all hell. But like Rome, Kyoto is just overflowing with history; you could be there for weeks and still not see it all. Temples, shrines, castles, palaces...tons and tons of them, just like churches in Rome. Luckily, the US was considerate enough to spare Kyoto from bombing during WWII due to it's historical value, which is why so much remains.

And like Rome, Kyoto is brutally hot and humid in the middle of summer, which happened to be when I visited both cities. And for both, the memory of the discomfort, the sweat, the itching desire to just say "screw it" and spend the day in an air-conditioned cafe will sit on pretty equal ground with the memory of all the cool things I saw.

The two cities have also developed into busy, crowded, modern, polluted places as well, which puts a big dent in their charm. Downtown Kyoto is gross and annoying. At least for me it was. Plus I stayed at a dingy, uncomfortable guesthouse, whose only redeeming quality was cheap bike rental. I spent my days in Kyoto pedaling and sweating, climbing hills, seeking shelter, paying way too much to see things, and trying in vain not to get a sunburn. Admission fees for most sights are pretty high, and the start to add up fast. Everywhere I went, there were reminders that FALL and SPRING are the most beautiful times to come, with changing leaves and cherry blossoms. But of course, all of Japan knows that as well, so that is when Kyoto is the most crowded. I comforted myself by remembering that I was there when it was the least crowded.

But complaining aside, I did enjoy Kyoto because of the all the sites. It is the Japan I have always known from history book and movies, the sites really are incredible. I spend about 4 days there and only scratched the surface.

Heian Shrine

Heian Shrine Garden

Like Korea, Japan has a lot of goofy cartoon warning signs. I'm sure the Koreans claim that Japan stole this from them.

A very cool secluded hillside shrine behind Nanzen-ji Temple, which I found by accident. Hooray for straying from the beaten track!

And further from the shrine was a fairly large cemetary. The mosquitos had a feast of my legs here, so much that I almost regretted going.

I LOVE lotus flowers...

Kiyomizu Temple, one of the biggest and most popular

Small placards with wishes written on them hung everywhere near the temples.

Japanese temples are loaded with opportunities for ensuring good luck, romance, fortune, etc. But of course, blessings don't come free, you usually have to pay to get rid of the bad luck.

At Kiyomizu, there are two stones. Legend says that if a person can walk from one to the other with closed eyes without straying from the path, they will find true love.

I'm not sure what the aprony thing means, but I saw it tied on Buddhas everywhere.

Otowa-no-taki, a waterfall at Kiyomizu which is believed to have sacred waters, hence the people lining up to drink from it.

Usually the drinking cups are just shared, but since so many people come to this one, they have an ultra violet sterilizer to put the cups in once you are done. Pretty damn cool.

The sun setting behind a pagoda at Kiyomizu Shrine. This is one of my favorite pics from the whole trip, sorry it's sideways!

Kinkakuji, The Golden Palace

Yet another way to get rid of those useless 1 yen coins!

Raked Zen garden at Ginkakuji, the Silver Palace

Osaka

I'm going to split the Japan pics into a few separate postings, because I have so many. I still haven't solved the sideways photo issue, so sorry to make you have to turn your head. I'm still working on that. Also, believe it or not, I didn't take nearly as many photos as I wanted, because I had no way to charge my camera batteries.

Overall, Japan was everything I expected it to be, and I loved it. I've always wanted to go to Japan, and I'm considering teaching there next year, so this trip was kind of like a test run of sorts. And trust me, I had a LOT of expectations about Japan. Who wouldn't??

I started off in Osaka, which I used as a base for the rest of the trip. I absolutely loved this city! It just has a good feel to it, and there is plenty to do. But it was the city's personality that made it so great. Years ago, a Japanese friend described it to me as a "smaller, funkier" less crazy version of Tokyo, and I have wanted to go ever since. I decided to start there because it was close to a lot of other good destinations and frankly, I just didn't want to deal with the overwhelmingness of Tokyo when I was by myself.

Osaka is big too, but it's pretty easy to navigate once you figure it out. There isn't really much there in terms of attractions or historical stuff, it's mostly just a damn cool city with lots of personality and great shopping. I just really liked it there though, the city had a great vibe to it. The best part -- the fashions! You know all those photos you see of Japanese people dressing in all sorts of off-the-wall shit? Well, I saw it all in Osaka, lots of it. Some of the looks were great, others people looked like train wrecks. The "in" look right now is a bit 80's-ish, but taken to the extreme. Totally wild. But I didn't get any photos of people unfortunately.

The main "historical" sight is Osaka Castle. Its been rebuilt and the inside turned into a museum, so its not all the authentic. Still worth seeing though.

View from the top of Osaka Castle.

I've really been into taking reflection pics lately. Thought this one was kind of neat.

Inside the castle, you can plunk down some cash to dress up like samurai and play with fake weapons. The guy pretending to slash my throat is named Matt, he was staying at the same guesthouse.

Reason #107 why Japan rocks: Tempura Buffet!Osaka by night, near the Shinshibashi area

The Japanese love their games -- especially video games and Pachinko. Casinos and gaming places were EVERYWHERE. This is one where you try to knock the little plastic guys off the ledge.

I also went to the Osaka Aquarium, which was well worth the money because I just love looking at sea life. Fish are weird. Who needs to look for aliens when you have the ocean?

The bottom of a manta ray swimming on the edge of the tank.

A diver in the tank feeds manta rays and small sharks.

Japanese people also seem to have a thing for Ferris wheels. This one claims to be the biggest in the world. Not sure if that's true, but it was pretty damn huge. I didn't ride it though, because it cost $7 and I had already spent too much that day (like most days).

The area near Festival Gate.

So that's it for Osaka, not much to say about it really. It is just a cool city.

More pics to come!